Pottery Barn Burning

When I was of a certain age, all I wanted was Pottery Barn. To be historically accurate, I will say I was around 20 years old. After a whirlwind courtship with a man who I was sure was my other half, I moved to Maryland. I did not know what I wanted (but I did not know that at the time), and he was too lazy to really look for what he wanted (I did not know that at the time, either). For several years, we were a perfect match. We got a house, and I got a pretty ring, and everyone was happy. I was going to school and working part-time, and decorating my cute little house. Only it was not mine. My name was not to be seen on the mortgage or the deed. And since there was no Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big at the time, it was fine by me. We would sort all that out later. I was too blissful to mind. All the walls were earth tones. I Pier 1-ed and Pottery Barned my heart out. Candles matched the curtains that matched the pillows. A framed print of The Kiss above the velvet sofa. Wrought iron drawer pulls. My bedroom was painted a dusky purple and I had bunches of lavender in etched glasses vases.

I bet if you did not meet me during “The Brian Years” you are shocked. I think I found a catalog one day and figured thats just what your home was supposed to look like if they were happy and coupled up and making house. If we could just nail that, everything else would fall into place.

I do not feel passionate enough about that relationship ending to blog about it. I was drowning and I had to come up for air. For the sake of brevity I will say that one day, I took my cat (DeeDee) and left. It was not all Waiting To Exhale. I wish that were the case. I cried for days. I immediately regretted my decisions and their consequences. All the Pottery Barn stayed at the house, gently mocking me. DeeDee and I stayed with friends, and then some other friends. And then I found myself faced with the decision to either move back home to Connecticut, or stay in Baltimore and salvage some of the years I spent in what seemed to be a former life. I had no idea how to date, how to make new friends, how to pay all my bills on a quarter of the money I had access to before. I had no idea what I was going to do the following day, week, month. I was a hot mess.

I eventually got over myself, thankfully. I am lucky to have amazing friends and family. I reread She’s Come Undone over and over and over. I cried and cried. I spent hours in Target. I had a wild few months as a single gal. I did reckless things and learned more about myself then I ever wanted to know. I MET A BOY and even though I told him I was fierce and independent bitch and swearing of relationships, he got past the gates. And DeeDee liked him. Color came back into my life. Things are far from perfect, but they sure are authentic.

You know the feeling when you see a picture of yourself in some horrible outfit or hairstyle and think “what was I thinking?”

That is how I feel about Pottery Barn now. I would go as far to say as I hate that fucking store.

March 17, 2011. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Nearly A Year!

Dear Diary, Sorry I have not written.

Well it looks like the last time I wrote, I was blubbering about not being lavished with attention or having wedding details to fuss over. Time to shake things up a bit. Marriage is wonderful. It has been a rough year otherwise. I noticed that many people are having a bad run of luck lately and my little corner of the world has been no exception. People have died, people have fallen ill, people I care about have become unemployed, and someone near and dear to me had a serious health scare during the holidays. Add in the ritual car repairs, vet bills, bills in general, everything is expensive, and friendships dissolving for various reasons.  And yes all this happens all the time, but it has seemed pretty concentrated as of late, has it not?

I recently had a birthday and gave myself the gift of committing to get my life in order. To make my days more purposeful. I am entirely too prone to ruts. I am pretty much devoid of self discipline. (I also just realized I use too many adverbs.)

Things I am working on, in no particular order… though some items are more time sensitive and require more consideration.

1. Getting out of the house more. WORK, HOME, WORK, HOME, WORK, HOME… is not exactly working for me. I recently joined a knitting group. While I hardly knit during the time I spend with the ladies, it gives me something to look forward to and does a world of good to the middle of my week.

2. Working less, or just working smarter. My “just one last thing before I leave for the day” mentality has got to go.

3. Cooking more. I could eat from a different restaurant every day of the week without blinking an eye. Unfortunately it has become rather costly. Cooking more is to include preparing healthy meals, regarding takeout/dining out as a planned event rather than a lifestyle, and following Michael Pollan’s advice the best I can.

4. Getting my fiances in order. No need to delve into that at the moment.

5. Getting my weight in line. See above.

6. Making the most of my time. And by that I do not mean watching Oprah solely on DVR to fast forward the commercials. I need to do more things that I am good at, or used to be good at.

So I have quite the journey set out for myself. Looks like you are joining me.

March 9, 2011. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Everything In Place

So we got married on 05/22.  Everything was beautiful.  Was everything 100% accurate to the dream I forged in my mind of my wedding day all the way down to my hair and the exact shade of roses in my bouquet?  No.  But we could not have asked for a better wedding.

Jer and Me

But today I want to talk about something else.  Nothing really prepared me for the feelings after the wedding.  We did not take a honeymoon (going in October) so by Tuesday we were not celebrities anymore.  No one was posting Facebook albums and raving about the wedding anymore.  I was not prepared for the feeling of nearly two years of planning being gone in the blink of an eye.  I do not think we were neglecting life in general during the planning process but it definitely filled the hours and created a sense of urgency.  Now the only place I go to in a hurry is work.  I have no one to call or email or tell all about what I want, the vision I have.  I can see why some couples feel the need to jump right into the “next thing”.  The B word.  Not us, no worries there.

I have never been one to enjoy day to day routines, meaning life as usual.  It is going to take some getting used to.  I still have plenty of things to do to keep me busy.  I am just having a bit of trouble getting motivated.

Getting married was wonderful, I look at Jeremy with a renewed love and adoration.  It feels amazing.  We love being a married couple.  Every time we go somewhere it feels like we are on a date.

I definitely sense some sort of “what is next” pressure.  We need to keep being fabulous, keep improving.  Keep making plans.  And keeping plans.

Look forward to more from me.  I was reading some of my Livejournal archives and it made me miss writing.  Yeah yeah, Facebook is fun but it has no soul.

June 3, 2010. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Things you will need to know and things we will learn.

And here we are.  My very first blog.  I rarely finish any endeavor, but I am going to give this a try.  I am Kerry.  I am thirty, striving towards thirty and fabulous.    I live in Baltimore, Maryland by way of Middletown, Connecticut.

October 25, 2009. Uncategorized. 2 comments.